Loved & Hated Month

Which month does you normally love and hate at the same time? For me, it's your birthday month. You love it because it is your birthday month. You hate it because it's time to renew your car license plate, time to pay for your insurance, and you are one year older.

Today I said good bye to my WIJAYA car license plate. I chose to get non-personalized car plate because it's cheaper and also it will make me less outstanding on the street.

I celebrated surprise birthdays for 2 people this weekend. The surprise effect of the second birthday party wasn't too great...I guess too many surprises are equal to no surprise. By the way, I got my camcorder last week, Panasonic 3CCD PV-GS150 which was released in early March 2005. It's going to be my ul-tah gift and graduation gift.

Work in ERC are getting demanding. That's because I set my own completion date to be March 31. But I guess it's good to be stressed now rather than in April 30th (My commencement date).
That reminds me to buy my graduation gown and hood...

My life is so planned until May 8...I exactly know what I need to do from now till May 8 (most of the days).

Million Dollar Baby

I went to watch Million Dollar Baby(MDB) today. As I have expected, this movie is a superb one. I went to watch not because of Oscar awards, but it's my instinct that it's gonna be a good one after watching the trailer.

Anyway, from today onwards, I have exactly one month to study. After that, I am certified as a Master degree holder from UM. This is one of the most significant part of my journey. Just like 10 yrs ago, I was at the busy cross junction fighting to get across Straits of Malacca for better education in Singapore. Now, I am at the cross junction again fighting to get a good career for better future.

I wonder when I will be satisfied with my achievements. I admired the character played by Hillary Swank in MDB. She wasn't greedy. Movies do play a lot of influence in my thinking. Though you may think that movies are just fantasies/virtual. I actually use movies' characters to benchmark myself to be a greater person.

Momentum

Today, I suddenly lost my momentum... my motivation to work towards my dreams. It happened when I drove back home from badminton. It began at the parking lot of the gym, I saw a girl whom seemed so familiar. Then I recalled things that occurred 2 years ago. I was so unmotivated and jobless. I also saw a girl, a different girl. And all these happened in March.

I gotta think positively, this will kill my future if I don't recover quickly. No pressure...

Why it is good to have a hobby?

Me and my colleague went to see my advisor's band performance just now. My advisor is darn talented in singing and playing musical instruments. Before I went to this bar to watch his band performing, I always think of him as a research scientist who only deals with academic stuff, intelligent, complicated stuff...After watching the performance, I can see that my advisor is not a nerd.

I guess it's important for every human being to have a hobby. Hobby in sports, or musics, or artistic things. In sports, I have no problem finding something to be passionate with. In musics, I plan to learn one musical instrument before 30 yrs old. I will play the musical instrument, maybe violin, for my girlfriend:) That's how I am going to impress a girl..hahaha

My last hobby will be having my own garden and keeping exotic fish and a puppy. These will be done in Asia before I reach 30 yrs old!

Closure

Is there a closure in a friendship?

a 5 yrs cycle

My thought...again...Can't stop thinking as long as I live. I looked back the past 10 yrs of my life.
I realized every 5 yrs, I have to face a big challenge. When I was 15 yrs old, I had to work hard for the ASEAN scholarship and I got it. When I was 20 yrs old, I have to decide between staying in Singapore and coming to Ann Arbor. It is not much of making decision, it is more like convincing my parents to let me come to Umich and here I am. And now, I am almost 25. I would say this is the biggest confusion/challenge I am facing. I can't find a job so far, I am thinking of going back to Singapore and Medan, but I am in doubt. What do I want actually?

Life never comes easy. When you see your friends, one by one, are getting employed, it just tell you that you are not good enough. Well, I am going to take different view. I know very clearly that I don't want to be an employee forever. So, I am constantly looking out for opportunities to be an employer.

I have Tivo??

I bought a TV tuner card and my PC now can behave just like Tivo. When you spend hundreds over dollars for Tivo, not to mention the yearly subscription, I spent 20 bucks to create one. Well, of course harddisk is needed. Should I sell my Sony TV away?

Titus back to life

The chain of my Titus watch broke a few months ago. When it happened, it was the saddest day in that week. This is the first watch I bought with my own money. My previous watch was bought by my parents 8 yrs ago when I got the ASEAN scholarship and it cost 38,000 rupiah only (abt US$4). Though it's a cheap watch, it never fail serving me so far. Anyway, I decided to fix the broken chain. One of the pins connecting each segment is missing, so I use a thin wire to replace the pin. Yes! My Titus is back to life! I have done 2 surgeries to this watch so far. The first one was replacing the battery.

If I have lived in Indonesia at the time my Titus broke, I would have gotten a new watch. I realized how different is my life in US and the one in Indonesia. Independence comes at a price. In US, I have to suffer by cooking my own meals, wash dishes, do laundry, etc; but I am independent. In Indonesia, I live my life like a prince but no freedom. My mom teased me sometimes about getting a gf to help me out in the chores:) Seemed like a win-win solution.
I am not sure if I prefer the US version of Handiest to the Indo version? What do you think? Don't think too much though...haha

Reflecting

Do you think journey in life is like writing a novel? I am almost done with one-fourth of my book. Scary, huh? Recalling what I just experienced 8 yrs ago; the glory of being a scholar, the 9 months pain of puppy love, the new chapter of life in Umich. The ups and downs seem to balanced each other out. It's like sine wave with constant amplitude. I am just not sure if I should hope for higher frequency because higher frequency will give me more failures, but on the other hand, my life will be more dynamic, with more encounters.

I consider my current life is at the lowest point. Things move slowly and are awfully bad. However, with the constant amplitude sine wave theory, I can smell next round of glory, but not being over-confident.

For past 2 years, since the start of graduate studies, I haven't been doing the things I like. For the past 5 years, I felt opting to study in US was a self-punishing decision. If I had stayed in Singapore for undergrad studies, I might have a good career and a good gf by now. These are the two things I want after my 2005 birthday.

I remembered I used to be a very confident boy in middle school. Failures couldn't disturb my record of achievements. My parents were proud of my success. Competitors would never get a peace in mind with my presence.

Failures in the US had affected me a lot. I developed a bad temperament but surprisingly good patience. I guess I had been patient enough in facing this slowdown, but things have to get better... The only good memories I have in US are the friendships I developed. I can get this far due to my friends' encouragement. Will I miss Umich and Ann Arbor? I guess I will not. It seems that it's time for me to move somewhere else, just like what I did in 2000...moving from Singapore to Ann Arbor....I have a strong feeling about making this decision. Just like the decision I made 5 yrs ago to study in UM instead of NUS.

Can you imagine me reading this blog again 10 years down the road? Will I live in a mansion or in a wooden hut reading this? Only one thing consoled me this week. I got a cute blue apron:)

What a dilemma

I grow up surrounded by smart friends...really smart friends...They really make me to become a competitive person...We compete healthily although they knew I won't pose much of a challenge to them. You are talking about perfect GPA students, students who finish homework before you blinked for the 20th time when you start doing your homework.

Always under constant pressure to perform, priortize among different things. Luckily, I have been given a lot of opportunities to fail. There are always something bailing me out when I am in deep shit. As my friend told me, everything happens for a reason.

Today, after watching The Apprentice, I spent 15 minutes analyzing if smart people can actually work well together. In The Apprentice, I just saw the total breakdown when everyone thinks he/she is smarter, can do better job...

I recalled my friends (we were scholars, roommates, classmates, and buddies) once told me it's just impossible for us to start a company together. It's because all of us are too smart to be controlled. If you argue that you dun need control in a company, you are wrong. Everyone wants to be the CEO, be the leader.

On the other hand, I always think of the brain power that my friends have. Can you imagine what kinda company you are building if you can get them to work with you? And I am not giving up in setting up a business with them. They know my character, who wants the control...Nobody wants to take a back seat.

Anyway, just a thought. Wanna join this scholarly wagon? Talk to me.