Reflecting

Do you think journey in life is like writing a novel? I am almost done with one-fourth of my book. Scary, huh? Recalling what I just experienced 8 yrs ago; the glory of being a scholar, the 9 months pain of puppy love, the new chapter of life in Umich. The ups and downs seem to balanced each other out. It's like sine wave with constant amplitude. I am just not sure if I should hope for higher frequency because higher frequency will give me more failures, but on the other hand, my life will be more dynamic, with more encounters.

I consider my current life is at the lowest point. Things move slowly and are awfully bad. However, with the constant amplitude sine wave theory, I can smell next round of glory, but not being over-confident.

For past 2 years, since the start of graduate studies, I haven't been doing the things I like. For the past 5 years, I felt opting to study in US was a self-punishing decision. If I had stayed in Singapore for undergrad studies, I might have a good career and a good gf by now. These are the two things I want after my 2005 birthday.

I remembered I used to be a very confident boy in middle school. Failures couldn't disturb my record of achievements. My parents were proud of my success. Competitors would never get a peace in mind with my presence.

Failures in the US had affected me a lot. I developed a bad temperament but surprisingly good patience. I guess I had been patient enough in facing this slowdown, but things have to get better... The only good memories I have in US are the friendships I developed. I can get this far due to my friends' encouragement. Will I miss Umich and Ann Arbor? I guess I will not. It seems that it's time for me to move somewhere else, just like what I did in 2000...moving from Singapore to Ann Arbor....I have a strong feeling about making this decision. Just like the decision I made 5 yrs ago to study in UM instead of NUS.

Can you imagine me reading this blog again 10 years down the road? Will I live in a mansion or in a wooden hut reading this? Only one thing consoled me this week. I got a cute blue apron:)