Chi-ka-geu

Drove to Chicago yesterday early morning at 6.30 am. The drive there was good, obviously because of my Eclipse. She ran on average 82.5 mph. I reached Chicago in around 3.5 hours.

Took me 10 minutes to find the Indonesian Embassy in La Salle St. I didn't notice it until I saw Indonesia flag at the entrance. Next time, if you guys need to go to the emnassy, look for Best Western Motel at N. La Salle St. The embassy is right opposite this motel.

After the embassy errand, I drove to my friend's sister's house in suburbs area called Westmont. The house is pretty huge. We went to Chinatown for heavy late lunch. I also had Mango Freeze. In the evening, we went to play badminton at a Thai guy's house. His house is huge and has a badminton court!!!

I spent one night at my friend's house in Orland Park. His house is very nice too. He has a home theater and I spent the night watching the Last Samurai. It was really a good movie. Man, I think I am going to settle down near Chicago if possible.

The drive back to Ann Arbor was pretty easy. There were not many cars on the road and I maintained 85 mph most of the time. I reached Ann Arbor in slightly more than 3 hours. Yeah, I was speeding...

My Eclipse

I am more productive today. My Eclipse Spyder got new synthetic oil. She has her tires rotated too. The only last thing she needs is car wash. It is going to snow and rain tomorrow, so I shall wait for a few more days before going for car wash.

The second errand I need to do is to get a new battery for my Titus. Titus had a battery flat on Sunday. I was trying to find my back-up watch, Alba 8 years old die-hard watch. I think I need to turn my apartment upside down to find my dear antique watch.

Lastly, My Epson Photo Stylus may be screaming for attention soon. The red cartridge is not functioning properly...Probably 30 seconds in hot water will solve the problem.

Just realize that I have been "dreaming" these few months. I think I wasn't myself this Fall term. Anyway, it is over...I am so looking forward to welcoming 2005, you know, it's different feeling...a good one.

When school starts, I need to do the following:
1. Confirm my classes and buy the textbooks.
2. Plan my travel with parents at the end of April.
3. Plan my spring break holidays

Somerset Collection

Group picture at Somerset in Troy last Sunday. Got a lavender color shirt from GAP on that day! Don't think I will have chance to wear it in near future.

Romance at Heavenly Pier

Finally...I uploaded my first oil paint. It's supposed to portray me and my love sitting at the dock somewhere in Indonesia. Why Indo? Because there are a coconut tree and range of volcanos.

Judgement

Did I make a wrong judgement lately? I guess I can't expect other people to keep their words although they have "sort of" agreed. One lesson I learnt hard, it is not confirmed until he/she said 100% YES...Even after a YES, I shouldn't trust their 3-letter word so much.

That's what happened when I take other people's words seriously. They are not serious. They prefer to be flexible, like to change things last minute. It may be a good thing, but I just can't do it. I stick to my words...not so flexible:( I gotta be more understanding accommodating...

Eternal Flame

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

[break]

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

[break]

Is this burning an eternal flame?

An eternal flame?

(Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had my hair cut short. Whether I like my hair style or not? Well, it is not too bad.

Which one is better? What you all think?

Farewell is always a tough thing for me...because it sometimes causes my heart to ache. Worse when that she has settled down in a special corner on my heart (when you know her favorite color, flower, food, song, cartoon character, her don't likes, the way she dress, the way she walk, the way she talk) I will miss the person so much but I don't think I will be missed. This is unfair...

I claim that I will forget friends...Actually, I really hope I will forget some of them, especially those whom I miss...I know I am contradicting myself now. But being not a resilient person, it is hard for me to handle the "sinusoidal" emotion. So far, I still remember every single detail of those people who had touched my heart. Not so easy to erase my memory after all.

Tsunami...What a terrible natural disaster striking my country. In a world map, my hometown Medan is half inch close to be struck by the tsunami. Medan also experienced 5 minutes earthquake last Sunday. Still remember my last earthquake experience was in summer 2000 in Jakarta.

Beautiful Girl

Beautiful girl, wherever you are
I knew when I saw you, you had opened the door
I knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.

You said "hello" and I turned to go
But something in your eyes left my heart beating so
I just knew that I'd love again after a long, long while
I'd love again.

It was destiny's game
For when love finally came on
I rushed in line only to find
That you were gone.

Whenever you are, I fear that I might
Have lost you forever like a song in the night
Now that I've loved again after a long, long while
I've loved again.

Beautiful girl, I'll search on for you
'Til all of your loveliness in my arms come true
You've made me love again after a long, long while
In love again
And I'm glad that it's you
Hmm, beautiful girl.

On Christmas

Woke up late as usual and cooked lunch.
There are more thoughts going around my brain this afternoon. What's a life without love? And what's a love with trust? I am somehow in confusingly agony. As of now, there is no cure to it other than suppressing the agony because I am better in hiding than in revealing. This is an ancient disease that have infected me once during Raffles Junior College time. Some say I don't have confident, I don't dare to take risks, I analyze too much, I am slow to react, I am picky....but actually I am more worried about the mourning that I will cast on myself and other people for being inconsiderately and selfishly loving someone.

Am I just avoiding the problem? Lying to myself? I can't give deterministic answers to these. You never know when you'll fall in love. You can't choose the person you want to fall in love with. Well, I am always unluckily late in loving someone, or rather... slow in revealing my thoughts. But I never regretted, even if I silently ended up being hurt, as long as we enjoy the precious moments we spent together. I might be purchasing a one-way ticket to my own sadness, but I am hypnotized by your words! Just hope that I am the least troublemaker until you depart! So long!

Woke up really late today, well that's what holidays are for....
Went to watch Polar Express with Snoopy. It was a pretty good movie for christmas. After movie, we went to Starbucks. I ordered stupidly this nasty Iced caffe Americano...But the consolation is the cheese cake.

For dinner, I went to my badminton friend's house to have a steamboat. It was really a filling dinner. I also drank 2 glasses of Martini and one glass of red wine. It was fun! But I ought to cook something in return next year!!!

Went to Snoopy's place after that to paint...Hendi and painting? hahaha...can't believe it. During middle and high school time, I used to ask my benchmate to draw for me (He is a really good artist). In return, I will let him peek into my exam paper during exam time. (I was pretty smart when I was younger). It was a mutual benefit although he gained a bit more!!!

But actually tonight's painting turned out to be a fun thing to do. I draw a scenery with mountains and coconut tree and a couple sitting at the dock. The guy was supposed to hug the girl, but due to my lack of artistic skill, Snoopy thought the girl was wearing a pink top with a yellow stripe. The yellow stripe was not a stripe! It's my left hand:) Anyway, I will post my painting in my website soon.
But thank you Snoopy!

New year in Michigan...What a sad case!

What can I say about today? I started the day with talking to my mom and bro over MSN. Started the day happily. Then, I looked out the window, it is snowstorm!!! I guess my face changed from sunny one to dark one...Coupled by the fact that I think I am half ill today. Dun feel like smiling today.

After lunch, went out with ever cheerful snoopy to get maps. Went to old navy after that....ya..ya..ya...
But we did something different today there. We bought each other something...That's fun. Not many people bought stuff for me actually...at least it is uncommon for me to receive something from someone...probably because I have most of the stuff that I need to have:) But this orange sweatshirt looks cool!

Went to Starbucks for a cup of hot milk and fat reduced orange cake...I still couldn't catch the name of the drink...It has milk and rasberry taste? Well, the drink is so-so, not fantastic

I was told that I analyzed a lot. Also as a person, I can be quite scary??? hmm...didn't know that. Probably I am aggressive...Hmm...Am I just analyzing myself again??? hehehe...
Got unpleasant surprise when I checked my email after Starbucks. I was actually pretty exhausted by then. What a boring blog, Hendi!

Just had 4.5 hours sleep this morning. Spent about 2 hours helping a friend doing last minute errands and then sending her to airport. The drive back from airport is so tiring, I guess it is becos of the 4.5 hours of sleep. After eating a seafood lunch (I cooked) with snoopy, we went to "work". I checked my grade before starting my work. I was so disappointed with myself after knowing a grade for one of my classes. I felt really dumb at that instant. My dear friend was trying to comfort me...Thanks!

I went to my badminton's friend house for dumpling dinner. It was really a very filling dinner. My tummy was bloated after the dinner. Then we decided to go to badminton to destress. I lost most of my games tonight. It is not a good day!

Today is a zero output day. I didn't do any academic or research work at all. Went to ERC to do minor short work, went out for lunch at Noodles& Co. Went shopping for scarf at Briarwood Mall, but didn't manage to get anything. I think I begin to learn new way of dressing from my friend.

After that, I went to Sharlimah for dinner with ERC friends. It has a good Indian food. Watched Spanglish after dinner and played cards at Snoopy's apt. Spanglish is not a bad movie. I derived 2 lessons from that movie. One, always do sanity check, and remember your root (I am Chinese, so I should at least keep in touch with Chinese culture). Second, don't avoid problems, as they will add up and haunt you back. When solving problems, sometimes screwed-up people can give pretty good advices because they may have gone thru terrible events that we haven't experienced.

I like today! but I feel regret today because I was too direct in my answer when I was asked, "What do you think of me?". I hope she is ok...sorry! I will try to stay sweet though.
How about sweet and sour?

My Last Winter Commencement

I was occupied with Winter graduation today. Was invited by my friend. We came to UM together in 2000, and I know her uncle, becos we play badminton together...What a small world, huh?

Started with brunch at Mich Union. The food is not too bad. Then I came back home to tidy up apt and went to the commencement at 2 pm. Before that, I actually went to buy flowers. I bought Camellia and Lavender roses...By the way, this is the first time I bought flowers...Don't trust me? Oh well...Through this purchase, I learnt a lot about flowers....Especially rose...Things that I do are often mutually benefited me. I can understand better why girls like rose, why rose is so pretty....Rose will die very fast w/out water. I gotta purchase water tube for the roses. Also, I choose Lavender and White Roses...They went well actually. Lavender Rose means enchantment. White rose means innocence and secrecy...

Find this from a website:

2 ROSES- mutual feelings; 3 ROSES- I love you; 7 ROSES- I'm infatuated with you; 9 ROSES- We'll be together forever; 10 ROSES- You are perfect; 11 ROSES- You are My Treasured One; 12 ROSES- Be mine!; 13 ROSES- Friends forever; 15 ROSES- I'm truly sorry; 20 ROSES- I'm truly sincere towards you; 21 ROSES- I'm dedicated to you; 24 ROSES- Forever yours; 25 ROSES- Congratulations; 36 ROSES- Remembering our romantic times; 40 ROSES- My genuine love for you; 50 ROSES- Unconditional love; 99 ROSES- I will love you all the days of my life; 101 ROSES- I'm completely devoted to you 108 ROSES- Will you marry me? 999 ROSES- I love you till the end of time.

The thing that I don't like abt rose is the thorns. When I carry the rose, the thorns hurt me very often. ..Probably, guys are not supposed to carry roses anyway.

I have one extra activities I am going to do when I retire next time. I am going to have a garden of flowers...It will be a secret garden just for me and my love.
Try listening to Secret Garden song by Bruce Springsteen.
"You've had me at hello!!!"

Congratulations to my graduating friends!
You've got 4 more months to go, Handiest! Treasure those moments!

Minus the cold wind, It's a beautiful day today!

Day One

I called today Day One. I am going to see how much stuff I get done this december break. As expected, Day One output is zero...Why? In IOE, this is considered Setup time...Yeah, right, Handiest!

Woke up late today...Couldn't sleep much actually after the tough study week. Went to watch movie, ate at Buffalo Wild Wings, and ended the night with bowling. At the BW2, I ate 16 wings...I guess that is the highest record for now...16 wings = 8 chickens...Poor chick'n!

I am listening to the song Desperado while blogging. About 2 weeks ago at Steak n Shakes, my friend told me that the lyrics of this song is very meaningful...and she is right. There is some truth, if not a lot, in the song...I mean the song somehow illustrates my feeling and thoughts right now. Am I going after things that I can't get? Am I preventing myself to be loved? Oh well, I hope the song is not correct!

---DESPERADO---

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out riding fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasing you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't getting no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talking
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won�t snow and the sun won�t shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin� all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

I finished all my exams!!! I had IOE 541 exam today. I actually liked the class a lot, but I think I struggle in the class because I lost my focus this term. Overall, this year has been a bad year for me. I don't like 2004! Why?
Because:
1. I am failing my classes
2. I didn't get a job...therefore, I can't get my camcorder...I thought it would be my christmas present
3. The Dell laptop I got this year got so many problems
4. I can't go back to Indo for new year, because I went back in August!!! Bad planning!
5. I don't like my research work this year! Struggled to finish IEEE paper.
6. My microwave broke down, has to spend 35 bucks for new one.
7. I broke my badminton racket frame. The racket has been loyal to me for 8 yrs.
8. I am going to miss my graduating friend
9. Don't get girlfriend!...hahaha...just kidding

I hope 2005 will be a good year for Handiest and everyone!
I want to thank my loyal reader of my blog...She is the only one who posted comments in my blog....you know who you are, Thanks! Have a good December break!

Studying IOE 541 now...I am feeling so sick...headache, cold, and dry throat...It is going to be a tough exam tomorrow because it is a comprehensive exam. Nevertheless, I should give my best tomorrow, 30% of my grades depends on my brain!

One good news for today is that I performed above expectation for my other IOE class. One lesson from this good news...Never say die until it is over! Jia you, Hendi!

I am reading this book entitled "Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead, but Gutsy Girls Do..."
It is an interesting book portraying the difference between good girls and gutsy girls. Good girls are made, not born. They can transform themselves to be gutsy girls.

Why I pick this book to read even during my final exam week? Well, I guess it is a good check to my thinking that I always want a good girlfriend coming from good school good neighborhood good background. It is always good to re-check my "vision" once in a while. After flipping here and there randomly to get the feel on the content of the book, I think I still do want a good girl.

Being such a high ego guy, I don't think I can control or dampen a gutsy girl. However, I don't want to weak good girl who can't par with me. Hybrid of a good and gutsy girl would even perfect!

I have been pretty down yesterday due to an exam. In my life, I think I am still not well-trained to accept failures. To be a good businessman, handling failures is a must...It that the reason why I got so many rejections/failures now? I used to think that there is always a woman supporting to a man's success. I am going to change my perception on this matter because the woman who supports me will get tired of supporting a weak guy like me in the long run...Can I prevent failure? probably some

I spent my time today with IOE 543. I am glad that I am studying hard for this class...It is a good way to say farewell to this class after the final later at 12 noon. I feel very much relaxed after studying hard yesterday and today.

As long as I can focus on something, I will be fine!
Oh, btw, I bought Frappuccino today, it is my first time drinking it...I don't like it!
This week is all about classical...I have been listening to classical musics this week, especially the romantic ones.

One thing I thought of today...Am I not good looking enough as a person? Am I not nice enough as a person? Feels weird when we introspect ourself sometimes...Actually, I look quite ugly from side view...hahaha...I am actually don't know where I stand in terms of looks and generosity. In the first place, should I even introspect myself? You know what...I am not going to think so much about how people think, how people feel about me...I am going to be me, myself, and be a Hendi!

I went back home to drive my car back to GGBrown parking lot....ya...ya...ya...I am lazy. That's not what I want to talk abt today.

As I walked towards my apartment, I saw this man in late 40s walking out from my apartment carrying a stack of newspapers. Aha...this must be the guy who kept throwing newspapers in my block. Or he is the recycle guys going around the block collecting old newspapers?? There is no hard feeling, since I always glance at the headline everyday when I get home...Either delivering newspaper or cleaning up the old ones, he is a "profitable" person in my life...

However, at the split second when I looked at his face, I suddenly felt sad. His face was neither smiling nor in sad mode...I guess he is ok/pleased with what he has??? but I think I still pity this guy. He is still young, why must be the one doing this work? At that instance, I told myself that I am a lucky guy as compared to him. I complained so much about my failures...Yet there are many more people below me. You know, I should add one more target in my life...Setting up a charity foundation is a must!!!

By the way, the guy actually drove Ford Focus.
So, lesson #1: Feeling sad for unfortunate people is not enough...Help as many people as possible in your life

lesson #2: Don't judge people from surface.
lesson #3: Be a nicer guy, Hendi!

I have been at constant worries since last week. I guess my life is always full of worries...Is it worry or anticipation? I think I need to let destiny shapes my future. I always want perfection in my work, my life, even my life partner...trying hard in everything I do...and see what I get as of today? Nothing perfect...Single, almost failing my classes, depressed...

Being resilient is the key to my problem, but that's an expensive key to "purchase". I talked so much about what I want in the future, but with current progress in academics and mental preparation, I think I would have hard time achieving my ambitions...

Simple thing like loving a girl is already hard for me. I agreed with my friend's opinion that sometimes you loved the girl so much that you didn't want to approach the girl..Why? Becos you are afraid of the rejection...One solution I can think of is to be generous to the girl, make her happy while I am spending last moments with her.

One last thing, I want to drop out from school...I didn't know why I have this thinking. I never wanted to drop out from school...I always wanted to make my parents proud that I can achieve whatever target they set on me. But I am not too sure now if I can get my master degree by next April. The motivation is just gone. Probably, it is because I felt defeated this term...Can someone help me recover from this "2004 Great Depression"? 2 final exams to score next week. If I don't score well, hell breaks loose...Feeling hopeless, stupid, angry, sad...despite trying to look strong, determined, smart, calm, happy.

Hope tomorrow won't be so cloudy gloomy